Hello there from the love scientist. I am in the second blog entry after declaring a month long (or possibly lifetime) revealing of my most recent findings on love. I will tell you immediately it is not an exact science. The laboratory is the heart, the mind and the soul. I have already made many messes and mistakes trying to understand this complex world of love. I have stretched so far beyond my comprehension of the capacity of the depths of love one person can experience. I have grown to understand quite deeply that love is a lifelong journey of exploration and experimentation. I wake up each day, push up my sleeves ready to get to work.
Today’s ponderings in the love laboratory are on freedom. It becomes clear to me freedom means many things to many people. I also am aware that there are two distinct areas where freedom is craved. One is in life. One is in love. I’d like to take time to distinguish the two, at least from my own laboratory of findings.
In life…and to some…freedom is best known through the acquisition of things. Degrees, wives, husbands, mortgages, 2.5 children and a dog, money, promotions, regular life responsibilities. To others freedom is the opposite, the need to release all of those things and see freedom like the absence of responsibility, no spouse, no children, little or no money, relinquishing anything associated with the material world. What works for each is different. My strong wise hunch, from a very curious 41-year old perspective…is that none of the above list really creates a sense of freedom for most. Of course I am not a statistician, and do not support this with evidence and facts. You can do that for me, if you like. It’s a hunch. Then there are those who try to find some sort of middle way…in between the acquisition of material world and the relinquishing of it. Hmmm…I might find myself in there somewhere, come to think of it. And yet there are days, even for me a sense of freedom is craved. So where is it found?
Or maybe the answer is, there really isn’t an answer. The right formula to freedom in the material world…a big racket, and laden with gurus, professionals with opinions, all claiming to know they have found it!! The right path to freedom. You can subscribe to and join the Financial freedom bandwagon, the Environmental freedom cause, the Entrepreneurs R Us wagon…the Anti-Marriage group…and you will certainly be on the trail to a powerful new way of looking at the world…at least for a while. Maddening, isn’t it?
Then there’s the freedom that is experienced through something called Love. Oh, that word is so yummy, I can hear in the background the cheesy soft porn music playing…as everyone gets groovy in their bodies…the masculine in his cute business shirt and sassy dance moves, and the woman in her low cut blouse and “come get me” eyes. But I digress. What are we talking about here? Lust? No…freedom through lust is sort of like buying a bigger house. It seems like that is going to be a great purchase but there always ends up being something bigger and better around the corner.
Shift to your heart for a moment. How does it feel in there? Cobwebs and dusty spaces? Blocked with a lock and key? Numb? The heart is the generator for a lust for living. Which we are all entitled to. Buy all the houses and cars you want. Escape through movies, drugs, self depleting behaviors (mine is food)…and wind up where you began and no further free.
You know you are at the threshold of the ultimate of experience of love through ecstasy. Ecstasy is experienced in many ways: sex, birth, true moments of connection, pride as a parent, accomplishing great things, the chemical reactions in your body that are released shift your heart. The generator for the lust for living, remember? If you are far away from ecstasy, it is your clue that you haven’t done everything you can do to open your heart fully to love! There is hope!
True ecstasy, the ultimate experience of love for men, or the masculine, is the freedom of the self into full consciousness. What the heck? What does that mean? Well there is a way to access more…than the material world…it is through the nonmaterial and transcendental realm of consciousness. When men experience this realm, it feels like being ON purpose, fully engaged with the others in the world, seeing things clearly, feeling like all is right with their world and themselves. It may appear on the outside quite self-absorbed. But…listen up ladies…when your man is ON you know it, because his presence at home is strong and things flow.
True ecstasy for women, the ultimate experience of love…is through the release of their full radiant light and power as feminine beings. We have a lot of work to do in the world…but when we are laden with too many masculine responsibilities, we get downright grumpy and have a difficult time connecting with anyone in a meaningful way.
True freedom through love for both men and women starts in the self. It has nothing to do with our acquisitions of things, marriage contracts, promotions or bank accounts…but tapping in fully into the dial of the heart, and exploding into the world. You can do that alone. Many do. Some like to have a partner (or several).
The partnership between you and your relationships is pretty huge to your profound experience of freedom in the world as an individual. Who around you is being supportive of your fullest release of the self through ecstasy? What roles do the others in your life play in the delicate balance of all the moments of your life?
Life is an undeniable journey toward ecstasy, and I assert ecstasy is the key for both men and women to experiencing true freedom. I guess it’s a spiritual thing. I wish I could say I had all the perfect formula for experiencing ecstasy, but I am definitely still in the laboratory working it out…trying this potion and that for myself. Resources that have been a tremendous help for me lately are “The Way of the Superior Man” and “Dear Lover” both by David Deida.
I know that my love relationships have played the starring role in my ability to set my own heart free. I have learned that I don’t want the feeling of constraint in my life. So I will be certain I am with someone (or someone’s) who can repeatedly help me to ecstasy, the gateway to freedom. If you are asking yourself what ecstasy is, and what it feels like, you probably haven’t experienced it yet. Keep going to the laboratory, I’ll meet you there.